What It Means To Hurt

I'm filling up with words

That I'm never going to say.

Turns out I was right;

No one's going to stay.

You disappear so quickly;

As quickly as you come,

And you almost had me thinking

That you would be the one.

The one who finally stayed.

I'm filling up with lonely

While I'm crushed by the crowd,

But there's a smile on my face;

I keep faking it somehow.

People carry on,

Carry on with their lives,

Acting as if they don't know;

As though everything's alright.
So much blood on our hands;
So much guilt in my head.
So many thinks I can't put into words;
So this is what it means to hurt.
I'm spending energy I don't have,
But it doesn't make sense,
Living like that;
Not wanting to move.
Barely able to breathe.
So choked up that you can't speak.
I look in the mirror,
And who do I see?
A total stranger that they say is me.
Who am I?
Who should I be?
How can I live
With so much dead in me?