How You Can Show Me That You Care

I think one of my biggest problems is I read to much into things. It's one of the reasons I'm so sensitive about being touched, I suppose. I've had trouble trying to explain my feelings on the subject to my friends, and it's lead most of them to think I just don't like being hugged or like dancing. I guess mostly I'm just not comfortable with how lightly they take those things, or how they don't seem to think they mean anything. I've always kind of felt like there's a reason behind everything we do, especially when it comes to how we deal with our fellow human beings -- both verbally and physically; you don't just hug or dance for no reason. I tend to wait for the right person to dance with or the right circumstance for hugging, which sometimes makes people think I'm cold and uncaring or don't like them or something. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. Anyway, here's this thing I wrote. XP

Don't touch me unless you know me;

Really know me, inside out,

And know what you're touch is saying --

Really saying, with no doubt.

It's not the hugs or hand shakes

Or the dancing I don't like;

It's the emptiness of meaning;

The blankness in the eyes.

It's the never ever knowing;

The not being understood.

Your touch is saying something,

So make it something good.

Don't stand too close to me;

Just give me room to breathe.

If I run off give me a moment,

Before coming after me.

I might be a little lonely;

I might need someone there,

But not at every passing moment.

That's how you can show me that you care.

I Said That I'd Be There For You...

I said that I'd be there for you,

But I can't keep you safe;

If I want to protect you,

Then I must go away.

I hurt people;

I hurt them,

Even when I care.

And the only times they need me

Are the times when I'm not there.

I can't say goodbye,

Because you'll never let me leave,

And the pain reflecting in your eyes

Will make my soul break and bleed.

I promised I would be there,

Like you've been there for me,

But you're better off without me;

At least, that's how it seems.

I'm nothing but a shadow;

A little patch of dark.

An icy patch,

A slippery patch,

A cold and dangerous mark.

My good is insignificant,

But my harm cuts sharp and deep,

And just knowing I could hurt you

Is making me lose sleep.

I said that I'd be there for you;

I'm so sorry I can't be.

But I have to leave while I still can

Leave you happy memories.

What It Means To Hurt

I'm filling up with words

That I'm never going to say.

Turns out I was right;

No one's going to stay.

You disappear so quickly;

As quickly as you come,

And you almost had me thinking

That you would be the one.

The one who finally stayed.

I'm filling up with lonely

While I'm crushed by the crowd,

But there's a smile on my face;

I keep faking it somehow.

People carry on,

Carry on with their lives,

Acting as if they don't know;

As though everything's alright.
So much blood on our hands;
So much guilt in my head.
So many thinks I can't put into words;
So this is what it means to hurt.
I'm spending energy I don't have,
But it doesn't make sense,
Living like that;
Not wanting to move.
Barely able to breathe.
So choked up that you can't speak.
I look in the mirror,
And who do I see?
A total stranger that they say is me.
Who am I?
Who should I be?
How can I live
With so much dead in me?

It's Best If I Just Leave

(This is -- was -- the better song I thought up the other day. Or what's become of it. I loved this song, and now it feels like I killed it. I'm pretty sure it's almost completely different from the original. I want to tweak it and try to perfect it, but I probably never will because I'm afraid of making it worse. XP Oooooh well. Take it as it is. Maybe someone will love it and bring it back to life. Oh, and it's not a happy song, +Alena Grobien, so don't say I didn't warn you.)

You say that you'll love me

Forever and a day.

You're always going to be here;

You'll never go away.

You're honest and you're faithful;

You'll never lie or go astray.

So you say;

Or so you say.

But people lie or make mistakes;

Our hearts and minds tend to change.

We forget the things we say,

And break the promises we made.

We fall down or lose our way,

And it's so hard to trust anyone these days;

Maybe it's best if I just leave.

You love every word I say,

And the silence when I'm thinking.

You love the way I tilt my head

When I'm listening to you.

You love my nose, and my eyes,

And the way I bite my lip.

So you say;

Or so you say.

But people lie or make mistakes;

Our hearts and minds tend to change.

We forget the things we say,

And break the promises we made.

We fall down or lose our way,

And it's so hard to trust anyone these days;

Maybe it's best if I just leave.

You love pretending to fall asleep

Just to catch me watching you breathe.

You love walking in the cold,

So you can offer me your coat.

You love grabbing things I can't reach;

How I stand on tip toes to kiss your cheek.

So you say;

Or so you say.

But people lie or make mistakes;

Our hearts and minds tend to change.

We forget the things we say,

And break the promises we made.

We fall down or lose our way,

And it's so hard to trust anyone these days;

Maybe it's best if I just leave.

I love the way you hold my hand,

Like you're always ready to protect me.

I love the way you laugh,

Or purse your lips when you don't agree.

I love the way you read out loud,

Or wash the dishes when I'm too depressed to breathe.

I love you;

I love you in every way.

But people lie or make mistakes;

Our hearts and minds tend to change.

We forget the things we say,

And break the promises we made.

We fall down or lose our way,

And it's so hard to trust anyone these days;

Maybe it's best if I just leave.

It's so hard to see the tears in your eyes

As you watch me walk away,

And you're holding an umbrella,

So I know it's not the rain.

I hold out your coat,

But you won't take it from me,

Even though it's yours,

And you look like you're freezing.

You don't speak, or look at your feet,

But most of all, you don't leave.

Why am I doing what I'm doing,

When it feels like a mistake?

Because people lie and go away,

And I'm so afraid one of us will change;

That we'll forget what we said,

And break the promises we made.

I've fallen down; I've lost my way,

And I don't trust myself to keep you safe.

Maybe it's best if I just leave;

I can't hurt you if I leave.

It's best if I just leave;

It's best for you if I just leave.

But you'll always be a part of me.