Tuesday, October 3, 2023

My Mind Is Playing Tricks On Me

My mind is playing tricks on me.
Its lies sound like reality;
The echo of a demon
Who once whispered in my ear.
My mind is playing tricks on me.
I try so hard not to believe; 
Anxiety comes knocking 
And it always finds me here.
My mind is playing tricks on me.
It's telling me you're gonna leave,
Even though the evidence
Has never been more clear. 
My mind is playing tricks on me.
It's trying to belittle me. 
That voice had gotten quiet 
But it never disappeared. 

Promise

I feel like I'm losing you
And I can't get you back;
It doesn't matter what I do,
You don't want what we have.
I try to fill the silence,
But it only goes one way,
And eventually I know
I'll run out of things to say.
There was a time you told me
That you loved me more;
Now I'm feeling desperate,
And you're one foot out the door.
I used to be afraid
That someday you would leave;
The confidence I'd finally found
Will be the death of me.
I keep listening to Migraine
Like this song could understand,
But it can't fill the empty space
Between my hand and your hand.
I just want to stop crying.
I'm not just a mistake.
I'm clinging to the hope
There's a promise you won't break...

Dorian

 Like the infamous Dorian 
I watch my spirit change;
Through a tapestry of messages
I am rearranged.
From seventeen and crying
To a happy little wife,
A string of words paints
The portrait of my life.
It might be unhealthy
But I reread the words,
Trying to understand;
Trying to learn. 
This creature is foreign;
She says things I would never,
And yet I am her,
Only I'm better.

Beautiful Girls

 Beautiful girls 
Crying on scales
The picture of health
But feeling like whales
Putting on smiles
Saying they're fine
Skipping the meals
They need to survive 
Beautiful girls 
Broken like clay
Bodies used
Hearts thrown away
Staying strong
But not silent
Saving beautiful girls 
From future violence

House & Home

 You make it look easy
While I'm falling apart
I just wish I was
Half the mom you are.
I hide these tears,
But the tears still come;
I live in a house,
But you make yours a home.
I live in a house,
But you make yours a home.

You make it look easy,
The way that you smile.
It's clear that they love you.
Can I stay here awhile?
I have a family,
But I feel so alone.
I live in a house,
But it's not a home.
I live in a house,
But I want to come home.

Like A Glove

 Maybe if I change myself
Maybe if I'm someone else
Maybe if I rearrange,
Don't contradict, don't complain;
If I make myself fit like a glove,
Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Maybe if I hate myself,
Put my voice up on a shelf,
Maybe if I just agree,
Bend to your will, silently;
If I make myself fit like a glove,
Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Maybe if I lost some weight;
Maybe if I never ate.
Do my makeup, do my hair,
Let you tell me what to wear.
If a size 2 fits me like a glove,
Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Vocation

 Wife and mother;

Saint and sinner,

Cleaning house

And making dinner.

Go to church.

Say a prayer.

Brush that precious

Baby's hair.

A mother's work

Is never done,

But I find rest

In God's Son.

The world may say

That it's mundane,

But this is my life;

My everything. 

Sunday, July 23, 2023

Real

Don't you think you've had enough
Of fake, and fragile kinds of love?
The kind that burn themselves out

Like we all know that they will?
Aren't you tired of the people
Who mistreat you and mislead you,

Who empty you and empty you

And never get their fill?

Don't you want something real?

That makes you grow, and not just feel?

Something that's worth fighting for

When feelings aren't enough.

When the sky falls down around you

Bricks and broken glass surround you,

Don't you want someone beside you

When the road gets rough?

Don't you think that it's worth waiting,

Contemplating, hesitating,

Darling, know your heart's worth saving

For a strong and real love.








Pinterest Perfect

Forget about Pinterest Perfect, I'm

Just trying not to be worthless; I'm

Not saying it's not worth it, I'm

Just saying I need a break.

I'm not one of those TikTok moms, I'm

Not the most crunchy mom; do we

Have to judge everyone? We've

All got a lot on our plates.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Aren't we allowed to just be tired? Why

Are we constantly comparing life

To life to life to life;

It's not always what it seems.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Maybe we're all just scraping by.

If you're not as good as you'd like,

Why do you think she has to be?

It's not always what it seems.


Forget about Picture Perfect, Why

Is everything covered in dirt? I

Didn't even go outside, I

Just wanna take a break.

I'm not an Instagram mom, I'm

Not really a playgroup mom; do we

Have to label everyone? We've

All got a lot on our plates.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Aren't we allowed to just be tired? Why

Are we constantly comparing life

To life to life to life;

It's not always what it seems.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Maybe we're all just scraping by.

If you're not as good as you'd like,

Why do you think she has to be?

It's not always what it seems.

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Me & Her

 I wanna go back
And change what I wrote
But it feels like sacrilege 
To change one note. 
There was a time
When I felt what I did;
Better to leave
The past to that kid.
Half of me knows
Half those songs could be better,
But she was trying to cope, 
And those songs let her.
Part of growing 
Is letting go;
It gets better,
But she didn't know.
If I reach out
When something's amiss,
It's because I know
She needed this.
I can't change the past,
And I'm past trying, 
But I'll be damned
If I leave you crying.
I'm not her anymore,
And thank God for that,
But I am who I am
Because of my past.
I wanna go back 
And change what I wrote,
But for her sake, 
I won't change one note.