Monday, August 14, 2017

Give Up On Me (Save Yourself)

I've fallen past saving;
I've got too many demons.
Are you read to give up
On me now?
Don't know what I'm doing;
Don't know where I'm going.
Are you ready to give up
On me now?
Thank you for coming;
So sorry to waste your time.
I'm tired of running,
But don't know how
To set things right.
Let me go now,
Just let me go
And save yourself.
I'm too broken to save;
Past my warranty date.
Are you ready to give up
On me now?
I'm too stubborn to change;
Too lost to find my way.
Are you ready to give up
On me now?
Thank you for coming;
So sorry to waste your time.
I'm tired of running,
But I don't know how
To set things right.
Let me go now,
Just let me go
And save yourself.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Hello Is Happiness

Four days.
For four days
I was happy.
That is my limit.
Four days.
And then
It happens.
The crash.
The burn.
The fear.
The anger.
The bitterness.
The tears.
The walls.
Why the walls?
Why so high?
Why so thick?
Why so long?
Is it better
To wall up my heart
Then to be 
Walled off
From yours?
Is happiness.
Is death.
I have never
Felt a pain
Quite like silence.
So I am silent
To you
Are silent
To me.

And that
Is still death.
If you can,
Climb a ladder,
Or fire a cannon.
Don't let me
Shut you out.
Don't let me 
Self destruct.
If you miss me,
I miss you too.

Is happiness.
Is death.

Why Do I Try?

I don't know
If you want to see me.
I don't know
If I should bother going.
You say we're friends,
But we lost touch,
And you feel a world away.
I know you're busy,
But why do we do this?
Why do we get so busy
With things instead of people?
Do you call people you haven't
Or spoken to
Or thought of
In weeks
Your friends?
In months?
In years?
Where is the line?
When do you
Finally know it's over?
I feel as though
I'm trying to raise the dead.
I feel as though
I'm still running
In a race that ended yesterday.
I feel as though
I'm waiting outside a store
That will never open again.
I feel as though
I keep calling a number
That's been disconnected.
I feel as though
I'm trying to hold
The moon in the sky.
It's too heavy for me.
I can't do it.
There's no point
In doing it.
Why do I try?
I don't know
If you want to hear from me.
I don't know
If that's the only time
I cross your mind.
I've nearly forgotten
Why you ever cross mine.
This probably
Isn't fair.
This probably
Won't change anything.
This probably
Will never reach you.
You probably
Won't understand.
I don't know
Why I'm writing it;
I don't know
What else to do.
I'm sorry.
I've said it
A thousand times;
You probably want
To smack me,
Like a broken cd player.
But it's still true.
I'm sorry.
I don't know.


You feel so small.
I know,
Because I feel small, too.
You feel lost.
You feel broken.
You feel helpless.
You feel alone.
But you are not as alone
As you think.
I know,
Because I feel alone, too.
In the darkest hour of night
When your head hurts
And your pillow feels hard
And your feet are too cold
And the tears won't stop
But you have to be quiet
Because how would you explain
If they found you --
When you reach your hand out
And grab the edge of your sheet
Because you have nothing else
To hold onto,
And no one else is there,
You are not the only one.
I am gripping the edge of my sheet
Or my pillow,
Or tearing at my own skin
Like a lifeline.
You are not alone.
When you think
All you have to hold onto
Is a cold bed sheet,
Close your eyes,
And hold your hand instead,
And imagine it is my hand.
I will be imaging that I am holding yours.
Because that's all we want, isn't it?
A hand to hold onto;
To know that we aren't alone.
And tomorrow
Might not be any better;
Every face you look at
May look dumb
And lifeless,
And you may wonder
"Maybe we are lifeless.
Maybe we have nothing
To hold onto."
But don't let go.
Don't give up.
Because if I go,
Who's hand
Will you hold onto?
And if you go,
Who's hand
Will I hold onto?
Please hold on.
I don't want to be alone.

Save some money on "The Words"!

Sunday, August 6, 2017

The Wait

Please don't give up on me
When I give up on myself;
Please don't think I'm a stranger
When I don't sound like myself.
I know it's hard for you;
You know it's hard for me.
But I always find my way back
To who I used to be.
It's been a long wait,
But now maybe it's over.
Just seeing your name
Takes so much weight off of my shoulders.
I'm trying to give it time;
This might not be what I think.
But I was glad you said hello,
And I feel farther from the brink.
I'd forgotten about happy;
I'd forgotten about smiles.
But now you make me think
It was worth waiting awhile.
I won't say I love you;
I don't know if it's that.
But you won't hear me complain
If it blossoms into that.

Saturday, August 5, 2017

(The Possibility of) Something Good

It's the possibility of something good.
It fell out of the sky and into my lap,
Like a gift from Heaven
That I haven't opened yet.
And I am happy,
Not least of all
Because I wasn't expecting it.
It's the possibility of something good,
And just sitting here like normal,
Every now and then a smile
Creeps onto my face,
Like a ripple in the ocean,
And I feel warm and safe.
If anyone had told me
"Tomorrow, things will be much better,"
I would have thought they were crazy.
And yet, today
I have the possibility of something good,
And I am happy.
It's only a possibility;
It may come to nothing,
But the possibility itself is something good.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Don't Forget About Me

When I wander all alone
Looking for some kind of home,
Wondering who I will see,
Don't forget about me.
When I break my heart in pieces,
Lose myself in some dark places,
Not sure who I'm supposed to be,
Don't forget about me.
I hope that you'll be happy;
I hope that you'll be carefree;
I hope that you'll find all that you need,
And I hope that you'll remember me.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

If This Is Life

There is something slithering
Just beneath my skin.
If this is life,
Creeping beneath my surface,
I don't want it.
Tear it out of me
Like a scream,
Like a shower of tears,
Like a bad dream.
There is something crawling
Up my spine,
Whispering dark secrets
In my ear.
If this is life,
Shivering in my bones,
I can't bear it.
Squeeze it out of me.
Slice it.
Beat it.
Starve it.
Crush it.
Burn it.
Drown it.
Do whatever you must.
But if this is life,
Take it away.
I can't hold it anymore.

I Don't Feel Safe

Wrap me under your cloak.
Let me pretend to be untouchable.
Forgive me if I seem to doubt you;
I don't feel safe.
A day of reckoning is coming.
The odds are not in my favour.
I can feel the darkness in my chest;
I don't feel safe.
Am I unforgivable?
Are you going to wake up one day,
And suddenly see me differently?
I don't feel safe.
If I walk away now, will you forget me?
Will I vanish in my own darkness?
Will I damn my own soul?
I don't feel safe.
You are not weak.
You are not cruel.
But you can not save me from myself.
I don't feel safe.
I must collapse against the wall,
So that I know it isn't caving in.
But I can not collapse against my heart.
I don't feel safe.
These doors are so close;
They're not even locked.
But I can't even rise to open them.
I don't feel safe.
I am weak and deflated.
I hear my heart beat like a hammer,
Breaking me to pieces.
I don't feel safe.
If I push you away, will I be unforgivable?
Will I be banishing myself forever?
Will I be damning my own soul?
I don't feel safe.

I don't feel safe...