Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The Beginning

Every five seconds I change my mind;
It's fifteen years I haven't felt alright.
I'm so sick of feeling sick in the head;
Tick tock tick, I think it's time I was dead.
Where have you been?
I've been waiting.
I needed you
In my self hating.
Every second I get closer
To saying that it's finally over.
I don't understand, I don't, I don't;
They tell me I'll go to Heaven,
But I'm afraid I won't.
I apologize for the things I said
But then I go and say them again.
Maybe you forgive me, but I can't,
Because I'm so afraid that's all that I am.
If I say something you can't forgive,
Who will love me in the end?
Sounds like a good reason not to live,
And I'm right back at the beginning again.

I Might Not Have The Answers

I just don't know anymore;
I feel so strongly about everything,
But what if everything I believe is wrong?
I can feel myself disappearing,
But the thing that worries me
Is I might not have the answers before I'm gone.
I'm trying to heal the world;
I'm trying to bring some light,
But I feel so hurt and broken,
And trapped in endless night.
Is there any point?
Who is going to care?
Would the world have been more beautiful
If I was never there?
I just don't know anymore;
I feel so strongly about everything,
But what if everything I believe is wrong?
I can feel myself disappearing,
But the thing that worries me
Is I might not have the answers before I'm gone.

Someone You Could Love

I wish I was more like you;
Maybe I'd move on and forget you too.
I say I give up, but that's not true;
I guess I depend too much on you.
I know I should just go away,
But when you do show up I wish you'd stay.
I know I'll never be enough,
But I wish I was someone you could love.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Is It Okay If I Love You?

My mind keeps going back to you;
My eyes keep going to my phone.
I know that you're busy,
But I'm feeling so alone.
We've been talking less and less;
I haven't gotten any rest.
Is it okay if I love you?
I only wish I knew.
But I keep hoping that I'll hear
Those words coming from you.
Maybe we're only friends;
I'm trying to be content.
It's only been a year,
But oh, what that year has meant!
I said some things I didn't mean,
Because I can't say what I want to.
I told you that I'm sorry,
But you still don't know I love you.
I'll try to get some sleep tonight,
With no tears on my pillow,
But I know I'll lie awake again
Wondering if I'll ever know.
Have you even thought about it?
Has it ever crossed your mind?
If it hasn't, you should know
That you're always on mine.
Do I have to be the one
That says something first?
Is it okay if I love you?
Please just say the words.
Is it okay if I love you?
Please just say the words...?

I Don't Know

I still think about you,
Even though we don't talk anymore.
I thought that this was for the best, but
I don't know why anymore.
And you can be okay with that, but
I won't be okay until I know the reason why.
And I thought that I was fine,
But I haven't been fine since we said goodbye.
Oh, I liked it better when you told me not to leave,
But now I don't know if I left or if you left me.

Strangers

If you saw me sitting lonely
Would you come around;
Take the swing next to mine
And start to laugh out loud
At all the things that we're not saying,
And all the stupid reasons to just stay strangers?
It would make a good story,
If you'd only try.
Because this small world
Feels so big sometimes;
We always look away
When we meet a stranger's eyes.
And I know it's not always safe out there
But every now and then
I find that I don't really care.
So meet me someplace
Where there's no such thing as strangers.
If you saw me lying in the grass
And we met eyes
Would you walk over,
Or just walk by?
You could ask me to dance;
I'll probably say no,
But I think I'd like that,
If you'd just give it a go.
Because this small world
Feels so big sometimes.
Why do we always look away
When we meet a stranger's eyes?
I know it's not really safe out there,
But every now and then
I find that I don't really care.
Will you meet me someplace
Where you can fall in love with strangers?
Could you take me someplace
Where we're anything but strangers?

I Should Go

I don't know;
Maybe I'm wrong.
But I think you'll feel better
After I'm gone.
I should go.
Why do I stay?
I can't help coming back
When I should go away.
Is that alright?
I hope you don't mind.
I'm just so afraid
To get left behind.
Your soul's beautiful;
I hope that you know.
I'm going to miss it.
But I should go.

It's A Cruel, Cruel World

It's a cruel, cruel world,
And getting crueler every minute,
And with every passing second
I wish more I wasn't in it.
It's a sad, sad place,
And it's only getting sadder;
If I died right now,
I couldn't get much gladder.
I've got a sick, sick mind
That keeps me up at night,
And if you think that I'll be fine,
Then you're not too bright.
It's a sorry situation,
And we're all just getting fatter,
As we sit here on our bums
Thinking nothing really matters.
I've got a cold, cold heart
That's afraid to love.
I can't say anymore;
I'm simply giving up.

Letters

There's a box of letters behind my bed;
A box of letters you've never read.
Letters that I wrote to think things through.
Yellowed pages I never sent;
Faded words I really meant.
Words that aren't the things you heard me say.
Maybe you will see them someday,
Or maybe I'll throw them away.
Would they make you angry,
Or would you understand?
They were all well intended;
I wrote them knowing I'd never send them,
And you may never know how I felt.
There's a box of letters behind my bed;
Letters that you haven't read.
I wonder if you'll ever know how I feel.
I wonder, oh I wonder, how you feel.