I usually post songs, poetry, whatever you want to call it. This is not one of those. This is a serious post.
You need to understand something.
Depression and Anxiety are not romantic. They are not a trend. They are not made up. They aren't something you can keep in your pocket and pull out when you want attention. They're real.
People who don't have or understand Depression and Anxiety often make misguided attempts to cheer those who do up. They might try to tell us that "it gets better." But here's the thing: It really doesn't.
You believe that the sun will set every night, because so far, every night, it has set. You believe the sun will rise every morning, because so far, every morning, it has risen. I am just as sure that my Depression and Anxiety are not going anywhere, and yet, because you aren't experiencing it, you think I'm just being negative or crazy.
But they don't go to sleep when I go to bed. They don't lift off of me with the blankets when I get up in the morning. They don't take Christmas or weekends off. They don't clock out when I clock into work. They don't take a vacation when I go on a road trip. They don't get thrown out with the wrapping paper on my birthday. They have outlasted friendships, and some friendships they've had a hand in ending. They've sat on my shoulders throughout books and movies and recitals and car rides and classes and church services.They have whispered criticism in my ears whenever I've said or done or failed to do anything. They've laughed and argued whenever anyone has tried to compliment me or tell me they love me.
So don't tell me it will get better. Some days I will be strong enough to fight through it, and some days I might not be, but it won't go away. That is what I'm living with, but I am still alive.
Don't stare me intently in the eyes and ask me how I'm doing every time you see me. Don't try to fix me, and for God's sake don't treat me like a child. I am not glass, and you are not God. You can neither fix me, nor do you need to tip-toe around me to avoid crushing me.
The Depression and Anxiety aren't going anywhere. But I am not my Depression and Anxiety. I am not perfect, and I am not innocent, but I am not defined by the darkness lurking inside of me. I am human -- just as human as you are. Remember that.
A song I wrote a year ago and apparently never posted. I like this one. If I hadn't forgotten about it, I would have put it in "The Words."
Oh Mary, Mary, Your garden hasn't been growing lately; You thought by now you'd be married with a child. But the only thing growing is weeds, And you haven't seen your love in awhile. Oh darling, it's not your fault; Eventually he'll come around. Oh darling, it's not his fault; He's just been out of town. Winter comes, and it's no surprise That with the freeze your flowers die, But Spring will come around again, And you'll be back to gardening. Oh Mary, Mary, Oh my darling, Don't you cry.