The Beginning

Every five seconds I change my mind;
It's fifteen years I haven't felt alright.
I'm so sick of feeling sick in the head;
Tick tock tick, I think it's time I was dead.
Where have you been?
I've been waiting.
I needed you
In my self hating.
Every second I get closer
To saying that it's finally over.
I don't understand, I don't, I don't;
They tell me I'll go to Heaven,
But I'm afraid I won't.
I apologize for the things I said
But then I go and say them again.
Maybe you forgive me, but I can't,
Because I'm so afraid that's all that I am.
If I say something you can't forgive,
Who will love me in the end?
Sounds like a good reason not to live,
And I'm right back at the beginning again.