The Aftermath

I should feel happy;

You're not angry or hurt.

But it makes no difference to you,

And that makes me feel worse.

I thought that we were friends,

But now I think I'm wrong;

Things seem so complicated

Now that you are gone.

What do I think I'm doing,

Going to your place?

You don't want to see me,

And maybe I need space.

I want to ask you if you trust me,

But I'm afraid to know the truth,

And I'm just now realizing,

That I don't really trust you.

In three days I said I'm going;

Who am I going for?

I used to have friends there,

But I don't know them anymore.

I don't know if I can do this,

But it's too late to back out;

I'm asking God, myself, the river,

If there's a third option now.

I hate having a heart;

I hate having a mind.

I'm tired of meeting people

Who just leave me behind.

Was it worth it all?

Would you have done it if you'd known?

Was it all a waste of time?

Why can't I be happy all alone?

I'm trying to sort the pieces

In our friendship's aftermath;

I've got contradicting feelings

And anxiety attacks.

I'd do anything to fix it;

I wish I could go back.

When the wheel starts to spin,

You can't fix something like that.