The Heaviest Burden

 My body shakes from the abuse it's carried; 

Secret sins church leaders buried. 

Over ten years ago; why does it matter? 

Because in that moment my world was shattered.

The burden of forgiveness on victims' shoulders; 

What consequence for a man much older?

Guards at the door, but the devil's inside

The very shelter where his victims hide. 

Does God hear my prayers when His people don't? 

When I leave my church because abusers won't? 

Maybe, I'm told, this will make you stronger;

Maybe you can protect your daughter. 

I've tried so hard to get back on my feet,

But where I least expected, the cycle repeats. 

Abusers sleep easy while victims can't rest; 

God, keep us safe in this life like you will in the next.

Every Day Little Joys

 Feels like there's secret language

That's spoken just by us

Written in things that once scared me

Like I Love Yous and a hug.

You scaled all the walls

That I was putting up

When I thought the only real feelings 

Were the hurtful, heavy ones;

You saw more than just a nice girl

Or someone who annoyed,

And now even on our worst days

There are 

Every Day

Little Joys.

I make you feel important,

You make me feel like I'm enough,

Like I'm not just a burden,

Like I never was.

My heart used to be so fragile

You had to handle it with gloves;

You made me realize I'm stronger

Than I thought I was.

All the things I used to bottle up

Because I thought they'd just annoy

Are now just a few

Of our 

Every Day 

Little Joys.

J668

 Can you write yourself a world to escape to

Where people laugh at your jokes instead of at you?

Where the people who say they know your father 

Can see you for more than just his daughter,

And even when you don't make them proud,

They love you out loud?

Can you find yourself a heart you belong to,

Where you finally feel like someone to look up to?

Where people talk to you instead of just about you,

And they think the things you say carry value;

Where people's words don't make you feel small,

Or wonder if you're lovable at all.

Can healing come from any change you make,

Or is Peace found in the One Who doesn't change?

Human hearts are always going to break,

But the Light shines through the cracks your sorrow made.

The only change worth hoping for is found 

In scarlet on His hands and side and crown.

My Mind Is Playing Tricks On Me

My mind is playing tricks on me.

Its lies sound like reality;

The echo of a demon

Who once whispered in my ear.

My mind is playing tricks on me.

I try so hard not to believe; 

Anxiety comes knocking 

And it always finds me here.

My mind is playing tricks on me.

It's telling me you're gonna leave,

Even though the evidence

Has never been more clear. 

My mind is playing tricks on me.

It's trying to belittle me. 

That voice had gotten quiet 

But it never disappeared. 

Promise

I feel like I'm losing you

And I can't get you back;

It doesn't matter what I do,

You don't want what we have.

I try to fill the silence,

But it only goes one way,

And eventually I know

I'll run out of things to say.

There was a time you told me

That you loved me more;

Now I'm feeling desperate,

And you're one foot out the door.

I used to be afraid

That someday you would leave;

The confidence I'd finally found

Will be the death of me.

I keep listening to Migraine

Like this song could understand,

But it can't fill the empty space

Between my hand and your hand.

I just want to stop crying.

I'm not just a mistake.

I'm clinging to the hope

There's a promise you won't break...

Dorian

 Like the infamous Dorian 

I watch my spirit change;

Through a tapestry of messages

I am rearranged.

From seventeen and crying

To a happy little wife,

A string of words paints

The portrait of my life.

It might be unhealthy

But I reread the words,

Trying to understand;

Trying to learn. 

This creature is foreign;

She says things I would never,

And yet I am her,

Only I'm better.

Beautiful Girls

 Beautiful girls 

Crying on scales

The picture of health

But feeling like whales

Putting on smiles

Saying they're fine

Skipping the meals

They need to survive 

Beautiful girls 

Broken like clay

Bodies used

Hearts thrown away

Staying strong

But not silent

Saving beautiful girls 

From future violence

House & Home

 You make it look easy

While I'm falling apart

I just wish I was

Half the mom you are.

I hide these tears,

But the tears still come;

I live in a house,

But you make yours a home.

I live in a house,

But you make yours a home.

You make it look easy,

The way that you smile.

It's clear that they love you.

Can I stay here awhile?

I have a family,

But I feel so alone.

I live in a house,

But it's not a home.

I live in a house,

But I want to come home.

Like A Glove

 Maybe if I change myself

Maybe if I'm someone else

Maybe if I rearrange,

Don't contradict, don't complain;

If I make myself fit like a glove,

Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Maybe if I hate myself,

Put my voice up on a shelf,

Maybe if I just agree,

Bend to your will, silently;

If I make myself fit like a glove,

Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Maybe if I lost some weight;

Maybe if I never ate.

Do my makeup, do my hair,

Let you tell me what to wear.

If a size 2 fits me like a glove,

Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Vocation

 Wife and mother;

Saint and sinner,

Cleaning house

And making dinner.

Go to church.

Say a prayer.

Brush that precious

Baby's hair.

A mother's work

Is never done,

But I find rest

In God the Son.

The world may say

That it's mundane,

But this is my life;

My everything.