My Mind Is Playing Tricks On Me

My mind is playing tricks on me.

Its lies sound like reality;

The echo of a demon

Who once whispered in my ear.

My mind is playing tricks on me.

I try so hard not to believe; 

Anxiety comes knocking 

And it always finds me here.

My mind is playing tricks on me.

It's telling me you're gonna leave,

Even though the evidence

Has never been more clear. 

My mind is playing tricks on me.

It's trying to belittle me. 

That voice had gotten quiet 

But it never disappeared. 

Promise

I feel like I'm losing you

And I can't get you back;

It doesn't matter what I do,

You don't want what we have.

I try to fill the silence,

But it only goes one way,

And eventually I know

I'll run out of things to say.

There was a time you told me

That you loved me more;

Now I'm feeling desperate,

And you're one foot out the door.

I used to be afraid

That someday you would leave;

The confidence I'd finally found

Will be the death of me.

I keep listening to Migraine

Like this song could understand,

But it can't fill the empty space

Between my hand and your hand.

I just want to stop crying.

I'm not just a mistake.

I'm clinging to the hope

There's a promise you won't break...

Dorian

 Like the infamous Dorian 

I watch my spirit change;

Through a tapestry of messages

I am rearranged.

From seventeen and crying

To a happy little wife,

A string of words paints

The portrait of my life.

It might be unhealthy

But I reread the words,

Trying to understand;

Trying to learn. 

This creature is foreign;

She says things I would never,

And yet I am her,

Only I'm better.

Beautiful Girls

 Beautiful girls 

Crying on scales

The picture of health

But feeling like whales

Putting on smiles

Saying they're fine

Skipping the meals

They need to survive 

Beautiful girls 

Broken like clay

Bodies used

Hearts thrown away

Staying strong

But not silent

Saving beautiful girls 

From future violence

House & Home

 You make it look easy

While I'm falling apart

I just wish I was

Half the mom you are.

I hide these tears,

But the tears still come;

I live in a house,

But you make yours a home.

I live in a house,

But you make yours a home.

You make it look easy,

The way that you smile.

It's clear that they love you.

Can I stay here awhile?

I have a family,

But I feel so alone.

I live in a house,

But it's not a home.

I live in a house,

But I want to come home.

Like A Glove

 Maybe if I change myself

Maybe if I'm someone else

Maybe if I rearrange,

Don't contradict, don't complain;

If I make myself fit like a glove,

Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Maybe if I hate myself,

Put my voice up on a shelf,

Maybe if I just agree,

Bend to your will, silently;

If I make myself fit like a glove,

Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Maybe if I lost some weight;

Maybe if I never ate.

Do my makeup, do my hair,

Let you tell me what to wear.

If a size 2 fits me like a glove,

Then maybe I'll be good enough.

Vocation

 Wife and mother;

Saint and sinner,

Cleaning house

And making dinner.

Go to church.

Say a prayer.

Brush that precious

Baby's hair.

A mother's work

Is never done,

But I find rest

In God the Son.

The world may say

That it's mundane,

But this is my life;

My everything. 

Real

Don't you think you've had enough

Of fake, and fragile kinds of love?

The kind that burn themselves out

Like we all know that they will?

Aren't you tired of the people

Who mistreat you and mislead you,

Who empty you and empty you

And never get their fill?

Don't you want something real?

That makes you grow, and not just feel?

Something that's worth fighting for

When feelings aren't enough.

When the sky falls down around you

Bricks and broken glass surround you,

Don't you want someone beside you

When the road gets rough?

Don't you think that it's worth waiting,

Contemplating, hesitating,

Darling, know your heart's worth saving

For a strong and real love.

Pinterest Perfect

Forget about Pinterest Perfect, I'm

Just trying not to be worthless; I'm

Not saying it's not worth it, I'm

Just saying I need a break.

I'm not one of those TikTok moms, I'm

Not the most crunchy mom; do we

Have to judge everyone? We've

All got a lot on our plates.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Aren't we allowed to just be tired? Why

Are we constantly comparing life

To life to life to life;

It's not always what it seems.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Maybe we're all just scraping by.

If you're not as good as you'd like,

Why do you think she has to be?

It's not always what it seems.

Forget about Picture Perfect, Why

Is everything covered in dirt? I

Didn't even go outside, I

Just wanna take a break.

I'm not an Instagram mom, I'm

Not really a playgroup mom; do we

Have to label everyone? We've

All got a lot on our plates.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Aren't we allowed to just be tired? Why

Are we constantly comparing life

To life to life to life;

It's not always what it seems.

Does there always have to be

A reason why?

Maybe we're all just scraping by.

If you're not as good as you'd like,

Why do you think she has to be?

It's not always what it seems.

Me & Her

 I wanna go back

And change what I wrote

But it feels like sacrilege 

To change one note. 

There was a time

When I felt what I did;

Better to leave

The past to that kid.

Half of me knows

Half those songs could be better,

But she was trying to cope, 

And those songs let her.

Part of growing 

Is letting go;

It gets better,

But she didn't know.

If I reach out

When something's amiss,

It's because I know

She needed this.

I can't change the past,

And I'm past trying, 

But I'll be damned

If I leave you crying.

I'm not her anymore,

And thank God for that,

But I am who I am

Because of my past.

I wanna go back 

And change what I wrote,

But for her sake, 

I won't change one note.

Reach

I break my own heart 

Just to feel something. 

I'm falling apart 

Just to feel something.

Cuz I reach and I reach 

And I reach and I reach

And I reach and I reach 

And you give me nothing.

This love of ours

Was always meant to grow;

So where'd it go?

Where'd it go?

I scream and I shout

Cause I don't know how

To say what I'm feeling.

I tremble and cry

Cause I know I can't hide

The wounds that I thought were healing.

It would take a miracle now.

I'm afraid they've figured me out.

I keep breaking my heart

Just to feel something.

I'm still falling apart

Cuz I feel like nothing.

So I reach and I reach

And I reach and I reach

And I reach and I reach 

But you show me nothing. 

This love of ours

Was always meant to grow.

So where'd it go?

I don't know.

 

Villain

 I've had heartbreak, 

And I've been a heart breaker.

I tried to be friends, 

But you made a mistake, sir. 

I tried to let it slide, 

But I can't stand a faker. 

Why couldn't you be happy with

Her?

I already have a man.

Did she deserve to be 

Hurt?

Did we do something I don't 

Understand? 

Can I believe one

Word

When you've lied time and again? 

What do you tell them when they ask

What happened to your friend?

I'm fine

I'm 

Fine

Being your villain.